I woke up this morning thinking about grit and resilience and all that stuff that some kids and adults are supposed to have that enables them to overcome things no one should ever have to overcome. A word wall doesn’t make anyone less hungry and a clearly stated objective on the board doesn’t fix the heartache of dealing with an addicted parent.

But what makes a parent resilient? How do I measure my own resilience with my children? How am I fostering or forging resilience within my own children or with my students?

I’m sure some researcher is completely on top of this subject but here are some of the things I’d build into the scale:

Threats: Do I often make threats about what’s going to happen if things don’t change?

(This is something I unsuccessfully try and avoid as a parent and a teacher. When I frustrated I do this, and, worse, I don’t always follow through. There would have to be a second question about follow up)

Consistency: Do I take on specific tasks and return to them on a regular basis?

(A question to see if there are lots of ongoing issues or careful reflection about one or two that might be solvable).

Re-set: Can I have a dispute and then, as much as humanly possible, be reasoned and kind the following day?

(A question to see whether conflict lingers or whether grudges are held. Again, this is a humanity issue — it’s hard as a parent and a teacher when a kid has been particularly obnoxious, to immediately reset)

I want to think more about what such a scale can look like, a scale that measures whether you are modeling or demonstrating “grit” to your kids. Again, I’m sure someone else has already done this. And again, no amount of grit ensures that someone can survive the vast inequalities so many children contend with.